Madam Baby :-p

NEW YEAR

The dawn of a new morning, of a new year, marks the end of my memoirs. The end of all emotional turmoil that I have experienced. The start of new happy memories. Only now did I realize the reason why things happened when no one has ever thought of making it happen. Closure. Thank you Lord. 

WALA

Wala. 

Wala.

Wala.

Wala. 

Walaaaaa akong maisulaaat. :(

Memoirs 2.2

"Tonight I'm gonna break away... Just you wait and see..."

I sang that on the videoke last night. Crazy Love. Got me singing it today, the whole day. Pssshh.

So anyway, how are we? How are you? How am I? I'm okay. Like, okay lang. I'm back to my world and life is stable again.

I had a full blast of activities lined-up when I got home. Christmas parties here and there, family day of my daughter at school, last minute gift shoppings, night-outs with old friends, late night escapades and massages at the spa, plus I have gotten addicted to this coloring book thingy. Whew. 

Christmas is only 4 nights away! Yay! :) I have failed to complete the 9 days of the Simbang Gabi but I'll make sure to celebrate this year's Christmas and New Year with a bang! How? Secretuuuu. 

My mom surprisingly asked for my opinion if I wanted to celebrate Christmas in Manila instead of here because of the weather conditions. No thanks, Mom. I'm very well okay with my comfort zone. :) 

So there, no new updates of my life. Nothing very monumental happened. Oh I have a handsome suitor by the way, who keeps asking me out on a jam (not date). I just couldn't find the time. But I will soon Ginoong Naga 2015. Very soon :)

I guess that's it. No more mentions of people who don't care. No more drama. 

Hey Ysh,

Merry Christmas! Love yourself more. 

~Y

12.19.15

My Chinita

Memoirs 2.1 THOUGHTS

"I thought everything would change,

I thought every feeling would fade away.

But you made every doubt dissolve,

I felt helpless, I wanted to stay."

So I met a guy. 

He was instanly special. He was spontaneous. He was everything I thought he should be. 

We walked. We talked. We laughed. We cried. He sang. I laughed. He acted. I laughed still. He became serious. I became quiet. He held me.... I burned. 

I call him Ton. He made me a very happy girl, one very random night. I am one of those people who hates waiting and it instantly ruins all the good in me whenever someone keeps me waiting for more than an hour. But just one hug from him made all the bones of my body cling to each other. Damn it. 

I have really thought of the worst ways possible of how he would reject and despise me. But we talked.. And we walked.. I didn't mind walking, he did. But he continued following me. Honestly, even I didn't know where we would go. Until we walked past the most beautiful "tunnel" (his words, not mine) and I was instantly mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes off the thousands of lights above my head, and just the perfect moment happened when I turned my head around and there he was, walking towards me, smiling... In slow motion. Time seemed to have stopped. My heart stopped beating there for a minute. 

We talked some more. His chin was on his forearms as we look past the people in the park. I couldn't help but stare. I wanted so much to touch his face, to feel the contours of his jaw, to trace my fingers to his nose, to feel his hair... To feel his lips. I was memorizing his face and I guess... I did.

I thought so hard for all the decisions that I made that night. We've known each other for quite a while and really, we've been through a lot as friends. This is different. He is different. 

Now I don't really know what I feel. A jumble of thoughts run through my mind and I'm not myself. I feel happy, yes. I feel scared that he might think less of me because of what I had to do that night. Even I feel less of myself.

But I did it to make him happy. To compensate for something that I thought I couldn't do, but I did anyway. I wanted him to feel that I wanted that day to last a thousand happy memories for as long as forever, that's why I took all the risks, good or not. Because I know, that it is the last, and chances like that might never be given to us again. 

I just wanted him to be happy. 

~Y

12.15.15

Memoirs 2.0 WHY

I feel different. I cannot write down the things that happened. Not that I shouldn't.. But I can't. I just can't. 5 or 10  or who knows how many years from now, I'll read this again and I would know --- yes, you know what I'm talking about.

I'm inside the bus, here in Cubao, enroute to my hometown... And my mind flies to every single detail of everything that happened. All the things that I've done here for the part 5 days. 

I feel what? 

Am I happy? OH GOD YES. 

Am I regretful? .................

There are parts that I deeply regret and my heart feels like being crushed by the gods. But... It was a risk I took that my heart really, really wanted. 

Just like my first memoir... If everything happens for a reason, then there must be even the littlest bit of reason for this. There must be... Or else I'm going to really wallow in the dark again. 

I'm weak. I need to talk. I need to let this out. I need to see reason. I mustn't lose my trust. I must believe. I want to cry... :'(

Shit. 

Hey Ysh,

What have you done? Are you happy? What do you feel? 

What do you feel?

~Y

12.13.15

Happy Memory

Memoirs 1.9 THANK YOU

4 AM. 

I struggle to find the right words to say.. Err.. Type. As days pass, I feel obligated to fill-in details of my life into this blog but I'm just as blank as the night sky. 

But maybe this one may suffice.

I am in the final stages of martyrdom. Haha. I feel like I'm unconsciously put into a test where I have to weigh how much I can take about what is happening at hand. Do you get me? No. I guess not. 

The mere two months will forever be embedded in my heart. This was what made me really strong, emotion-wise. I guess I have to thank them, him, most especially. Thank you. 

No, this isn't a goodbye blog post. Don't get ahead of yourself. 

God has given me people who really helped me cope. The Mansyon peeps. They're a diverse group with such essense that I realy feel really happy to have come back to them. They're currently my "happy pill", though we lose storylines and we really don't know how to carry on with the #mansyonserye story without a script, we have our own universe that makes it okay to lose transitions or what not. We are happy and these people are genuinely true to me. :) Thank you. 

As I write this, I'm looking at you. This wide map of the metro in-front of me makes me think of a song...

"Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy.."

But no. I don't wanna see you. I only wanna hear you. 

Hey Ysh,

... Matulog ka na. 

~Y

12.10.15

NIGHT WITH THE FROG

Last night with Jez at Mexita. My usual ka-chismisan sa buhay buhay. Happy! #palaka