Promise.

I have a yearning that I've been keeping to myself for quite a while now. I don't understand why it burns in me, but somehow I feel a blazing desire to fulfill the yearning that my heart and mind is craving. I have never thought of anything like it in my whole life, I mean, that's exaggeration because yes I sometimes have, but not to the extent that I feel sore. My body longs for the existence of something warm and gentle, something that can make me whole.

Something. Someone that can make my life complete.

But I live with my virtues. Sometime in the past, I have battered myself and abused my soul to the deepest until I wasn't able to feel anymore. I had my fair share of mistakes, mistakes that I never want to commit again. But who am I to implement something when I know that I am but a weak human being? I can only hope.

Then again, apart from hoping, I wish. I wish with all my heart that someday or sooner, I will feel the soft and sweet breath of the person who can complete my existence in this world. That someday, I will touch the warm smoothness of him/her.

Soon enough, this overflowing love inside my heart, this love that has been swelling and thumping in my cradle will meet its owner.

One day, I will feel you in my arms love.

One day, I will give my all to have you.

Help me.

Help my yearning to meet you.

Find me.

Because I'll be waiting.

My baby.

My sweet, sweet child.

:)

Yes Y, it's V again.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

There, there. You might think I'm overly enthusiastic about V-day, you might think I'm one of those people who gives about a bigger deal out of that ordinary day. Seemingly, for me that is, Valentine's day is just another manic date of the year where people get all dramatic and cheesy. Do I sound bitter? No, because I have been bitter, cheesy and corny too. I have been.

Now I promise this won't be all about my bitching and lashing ;) I have been reading my previous posts since I started this blog and my, my, why is it that I was always miserable and unfortunate not to mention panicky on the wretched day?

Did cupid deliberately put me into his blacklist? Or am I just too cool to celebrate the so-called "heart's day"?

2010 is not an exception. How convenient is it to break up with your boyfriend before February 14? I said I didn't mind the day, but then again. It stings like hell.

Oh well. :) At least I'll live.

Tequila Anyone?

Last wednesday, my friends from Panasonic and I went to Antipolo to get some fun-oh-fun, yeah we did! :) T'was a triple birthday celebration for my dear friend Cha and two of our boys Sherwin and Marvin. And the gang was there to get drunk and get wild. haha. I never was any good with tequila, damn damn tequila. I can gulp a pool of vodka no chaser at all, I can wash down bottles of brandy or whisky or rhum or champagne or of course beer and it will take a lot of tick-tocks to get me swaying. But with three shots of tequila? I die.

But what could be worse than dying? I FORGET! I forget details of what I did or of what happened the night before, I always wear an award-winning shocked face when I get to see the pictures and the evidences of my unfortunately unfair crime. And oh I die again. I just die.

I can hate it all I want, but I cannot yield. So there's always a next time for me :p Lucky enough I have wonderful friends who never, never dare to do evil things on me.

Oh I would loove to see them try. Haha :)

Oh here's where the amnesia strikes. What were we doing Vhan? Hahaha

Anyhow, I still had a wicked night! :p

When She Cries

Are we friends? Are we lovers?

Is it over now…

 

When your heart breaks in silence, you feel the stronger pain. A pain no physical injury can contest, a pain that strokes every vein of your body, a pain that no medicine can cure… but only your tears.

So I cried. I cried and cried, hoping the pain would subside, wishing with all my heart that I would come clean and full again. With the shooting temperature, with all the dizziness and shakiness as my fever embraced me whole, I risked my barriers. For the first time, I crumbled and let myself succumb.

In the romantic era, nineteenth century novels, and those old school plays and movies, the girl dies of heartbreak. LITERALLY. She just can't take it that the love of her life left her and hurt her. She gets grief-stricken that she submits in depression and sooner or later, a maid will find her all cold and dead, with tears spilled on her pillows. I wish I can just do that, but to oppress myself with suicidal attempts is a stupid idea, and idiotic too.

I read once in a book that those situations are what you call “conventions”. Those conventions are things that we accept wholeheartedly when they happen in books or movies even though they never happen in real life.

But when my supposed boyfriend started flicking through numbers of his exes again, it occurred to me that maybe dying of a broken heart might not be a convention at all. If anything can make death a truly desirable option, it is when the love of your life starts choosing his ex over you.

What am I thinking? Get over it and let it pass. How can I digest what my friends are advising me when all I can think of is “I'll never see him again”. It echoes through my being, it rips me apart. And again I cry, I cry so hard.

Can anyone tell me…

Why do I feel like I’m dead?

 

Give and Take

It takes a man and a woman...

One special moment, to know they're in heaven.

Why does it always have to be the woman to give? Why does it always have to be the man to take? Where's equality in this world? Where?

CalendarYsh

Yo!

So I guess I'm back. Happy new year to all! Yeah I know it's uber late but then again, at least... right? So I'm back to work and I had the most wonderful vacation last December. I went home to Mum and Dad and celebrated the holidays with them and the rest of Bicolandia. :D

So how was my 2009?

Average. Not my year I must say, but hell fun! Hmm, let's see if I can do a mindblog recap:

January - Went home bicol with Tamz for Dinapa's Barrio Fiesta. Went dancing with friends at the basketball court-turned-dance floor..haha

February - Spent the bloody V-day alone. Went to Subic :)

March - Went to Iloilo, Guimaras for some beach'in! Was with Yang, Ryan and Ayries.

April - Went home bicol again for Mum's bday! Just in time for the Magayon Festival, not to mention the Beer Plaza at Peñaranda Park! :p

May - My birth month! Celebrated my bday with Jen, Kenji, Miles and Nikka. Team Achieva also had a team building at Loreland Resort, Antipolo.

June - Oh well, this month sucked big time. I had to resign from Convergys, had to move out and had to bitch out with some people who I genuinely thought was true to me.:( On the brighter side, there were a few good ones left. Miles let me stay in her place, and here I am till now. :)

July - What ever happened in July? Oh, Tamz lived with us for almost a month. She escaped the hell that she's toiled for over a year, good thing we knew better than to stay in Geraldine's house. That troll doesn't deserve our compassion anyway. :p The pic was when we visited my aunt and cousins in Parañaque.

August - Lawrence, Jonas and Tamz' bday. I guess I was just out and about the city, night-outs with girlfriends and chillin' at home.

September - Bicol again! :D Had a two-week vacation, bonding with H.S friends. Yuan's christening, and tambay-mode at John's place.hehe

October - Back to business, job-hunting and soul-searching? Haha.

November - And I'm back! To work, that is. Met new friends, missed gimmicks after dark, but love oh love has come my way! (again..) :p

December - The happiest! Was with Mum and Dad, my neighborhood friends, my long-time high school friends, my relatives and my dogs! :)

Been A While

It has been some time now since I last posted. A lot of events has happened and I was such a lazybug to even scribble here.

Whatever happened? I don't know.

I still don't know.

Help?

Philippines' Deadliest Massacre Tests Government

AMPATUAN, Philippines – A few miles off the main highway, on a remote hilltop covered with waist-high grass, bodies lay with twisted hands reaching in the air. They had been shot point-blank.

Nearby, bodies were being laid out under banana leaves Tuesday as police — their faces covered against the stench — unearthed a mass grave containing 22 victims from Monday's ambush on an election caravan. The discovery brought the death toll to 46 — an unprecedented act of violence at the outset of the country's election season.

As many as five people remained unaccounted for.

President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo declared a state of emergency in Maguindanao and a neighboring southern province, sending extra troops and police to try to impose the rule of law.

"No effort will be spared to bring justice to the victims and hold the perpetrators accountable to the full limit of the law," she said.

Few think she will be successful in the impoverished, lawless region that has been outside the central government's reach for generations, and where warlords backed by private armies go by their own rules.

Authorities said the victims included at least 13 Filipino journalists from regional newspapers, TV and radio stations who were accompanying family members and supporters of a gubernatorial candidate out to file his nomination papers for May 2010 elections.

Noynoy Espina, vice chairman of the National Union of Journalists of the Philippines, said as many as 20 journalists may have been in the convoy, based on reports from union chapters in the area.

The figures could not be immediately reconciled, but still the deaths marked "the largest single massacre of journalists ever," according to Paris-based Reporters Without Borders.

Dozens of gunmen intercepted the caravan as it traveled on a two-lane highway that cuts across vast open tracts of land and banana groves, police said. They took some of the people to the grassy area, where the killings started.

Authorities found 24 bullet-riddled bodies sprawled on the ground next to five abandoned vehicles.

Police, aided by a backhoe, worked most of Tuesday to extricate the bodies from the mass grave. All had been shot multiple times and were dumped on top of one another. One was a pregnant woman.

Grieving relatives helped identify their loved ones before they were given the bodies, covered by banana leaves, for burial.

The gubernatorial candidate, Ismael Mangudadatu, was not in the convoy because he had received death threats. He accused a powerful political rival from the Amputuan clan of carrying out the killings.

Mangudadatu's wife, Genalyn, and his two sisters, were among the dead, he said. In all, 21 women and 25 men died, said military spokesman Col. Jonathan Ponce.

Mangudadatu said four witnesses in his protection, whom he refused to identify, had told him the convoy was stopped by gunmen loyal to Andal Ampatuan Jr., a town mayor and rival, to prevent Mangudadatu's family from filing elections papers.

"It was really planned because they had already dug a huge hole (for the bodies)," Mangudadatu said.

He said there were reports from the area that the militia had been blocking the road for a few days.

The Ampatuans, who have ruled one of the nation's poorest regions since 2001, could not be reached for comment.

Arroyo's peace adviser Jesus Dureza said he met Tuesday with Andal Ampatuan, the family's patriarch, and received assurances that his family would cooperate in the investigation.

It was not clear how far Arroyo's administration would go in trying to force the provincial warlords to give up their weapons and private armies.

But Maguindanao's provincial police chief and three other officers were relieved of duty and confined to camp after they were reported to have been seen with the pro-government militiamen who stopped the convoy, police said.

Such militiamen are meant to act as an auxiliary force mobilized by the police or military to fight rebels and criminals, but often they act as private enforcers of local warlords.

Much of the southern island of Mindanao, including Maguindanao province, used to be ruled by fiercely independent sultans who fought Spanish and American colonizers. The political dynasties of the Ampatuans and the Mangudadatus behave in a much similar way — ruling by force, unopposed in their turfs with little outside interference.

Julkipli Wadi, a professor of Islamic studies at the University of the Philippines, said he doubted the national government's resolve in trimming the powers of political dynasties like the Ampatuans because they deliver votes during elections.

"Because of the absence of viable political institutions, powerful men are taking over," he said. "Big political forces and personalities in the national government are sustaining the warlords, especially during election time, because they rely on big families for their votes."

By AARON FAVILA, Associated Press Writer

The Impossible Dream

I must be dreaming.

I love just how about love makes me feel so in-love! :p

Somebody to Love