IMAGINE. I was always a dreamer. I used to get lost in my own made-up world. I stare blank outside country lanes while inside a bus, imagining my dream house, the things I don’t have and what I so want to have. I think of my prince charming waiting for me on the most amazing places I can imagine. I believed that I was a princess and I can have anything and get to keep them forever. It kept me strong you know, it kept my hopes up, it heals me when I’m in pain, it satisfies me in all ways, it has always been my own secret garden.
But it’s just all inside my mind.I yearned for everything sugar and spice and just about everything nice. I was optimistic and I think of the world as a big
bright colorful patch blanket. I used to see things with utmost enthusiasm that sometimes I can’t contain the hopes and the dreams that I carry around with me. I remember the days I spent with my best friends under a mango tree we called ours. We would climb and name each of the branches, one for each of us to sit and own. The river at the back of our house would serve as our pool and a heat quencher in the hottest days of summer, I would squeal whenever I see my playmates catch a fish or a shrimp, I would laugh till my lungs hurt on our story telling and gossip times and I would always be the mediator when two of them brawl with each other. I was so happy.
My eyes then, they reflected so many dreams and I would, if only I could…I would exchange this life for a rewind of the tape. But a person grow and leaves things behind, sometimes it just slips out of their minds like a bad dream. And now I know, after all the misery, the broken hearts, the disappointments…
Stupid girl, I should’ve known, I should have known…“That I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m not the one you sweep off your feet, lead her up the stairwell, this isn’t Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you had let me down now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around.”But this princess has suffered the consequences and was drawn away from her dreamland. Now it’s all black and white. Now it’s all reality. And with all the distress, I have to face the truth that
I FORGOT. I forgot to imagine, I forgot that I’ve always had that place inside of me where I can run to whenever I’m hurt. I know, I lost my secret garden.
“Until you lose the one you wanted coz you’ve taken it for granted and everything you had got destroyed…”If only I could… like what Melinda of Ghost Whisperer got,
“a second shot at your one true love”, but when I come to think of it, have I even met my one true love?
If only I could… like what Gossip Girl said,
“the only way to get over someone is to get another someone”, but why does that logic never apply to me?
If only I could… like Shakespeare’s quote,
“All’s well that ends well” but sometimes, sometimes it just ends.
I made up my own phrase, quote, line, passage, whatever you call it when I compiled my stories and poems into a book I guess five or six years ago. Funny coz I wrote “
Life is a crystal in everyone’s palm, if you hold it tight it might break, but if you hold it loose, it might fall down”. Now I truly believe that some people
“eat their own words”.
“You’re hot and you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no, you’re in then you’re out, you’re up and you’re down, you’re wrong when it’s right, it’s black and it’s white…”
See? IMAGINE my CONFUSION.
I’m back! Harhar. I’ve been running out of ink and paper lately as well as that inspiration juices us writers call. But nonetheless, I have been out and about the suburbs and urban areas of the metro and I was at raves and parteeeys with friends :p I am still at the crossroads though, I have the direction towards new life yet I prefer to not move a step at the moment. It doesn’t feel right, yet. So wink with me as I go with the drift. :)
