Post Secrets

{sigh}

My Sentiments Exactly

Miss Fortune

"You've got needs, too! Your friends and family often rely on you for taking care of them in various ways, but today is all about you -- so do whatever feels right and let them fend for themselves."

This was my horoscope reading yesterday.

I never believed in those kinds of crap, horoscopes and fortune-telling and zodiacs and blah blah... But sometimes, it's entertaining enough that I spare some space in my Facebook Wall everyday just to have my daily readings.

AND this one hit it in the sack. JACKPOT.

{Super true.}

I just hope whoever it is that decides on what readings to disseminate to the world also knows how make them come true. Sadly, it's for everyone's eyes only.

---

[sidetrack]

I think I'm losing a friend. I hope to the deepest of my heart not.

BUT she shows no compassion, nor care. Very unlikely of her since she's always been one of the most natural when it comes to tender loving care. Well, I am gonna let this slide, I have my own pain to nurse. And to top it all, I am ALONE.

But I miss her. I hope she knows in her heart how much I love and treasure her.

I can only hope :)

I've to sleep now, work waits and lurks after dark. ha ha. *roll eyes*

AJA!!!

This is MY Now

I'm finally settled.

Last February 15, 2010, I officially moved out of Cityland and settled my butt here in my new home. I won't tell you where, but I'm just somewhere in Pasig. :)

The place is super nice, the rent is super cheap, the owners are super kind.

I guess God really loves me after all, on the last minute, He guided me and led me to this place. It's safe here and I feel at home despite of the "solitude" :)

Thank you Lord.

Someone

I'm moving out.

No grudges or whatsoever, but I feel so blue. I feel so different. She has helped me in so many ways, she was there in my lowest hours, she provided things that I never asked for. BUT. If you feel that she's not herself when with you anymore, if you're starting to breathe in the coldness that emits in her. What do you do?

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a lesbian talking about my live-in partner. She's a friend. My best friend, my sister in so many ways.

I am just so clueless as to why she's acting this way. I know that someone has been dictating things to her, someone so close to her heart that even our friendship is not enough to stand in between. I understand.

But why let things end this way?

I have been trying my very best to think rational and act wise.

I love her.

BUT sometimes, she has to know that I'm not JUST there for her errands and favors.

That I am her friend too.

"It gets tiring when you're always the one who gives comfort to other people, they don't understand that you need the same someone too."

Promise.

I have a yearning that I've been keeping to myself for quite a while now. I don't understand why it burns in me, but somehow I feel a blazing desire to fulfill the yearning that my heart and mind is craving. I have never thought of anything like it in my whole life, I mean, that's exaggeration because yes I sometimes have, but not to the extent that I feel sore. My body longs for the existence of something warm and gentle, something that can make me whole.

Something. Someone that can make my life complete.

But I live with my virtues. Sometime in the past, I have battered myself and abused my soul to the deepest until I wasn't able to feel anymore. I had my fair share of mistakes, mistakes that I never want to commit again. But who am I to implement something when I know that I am but a weak human being? I can only hope.

Then again, apart from hoping, I wish. I wish with all my heart that someday or sooner, I will feel the soft and sweet breath of the person who can complete my existence in this world. That someday, I will touch the warm smoothness of him/her.

Soon enough, this overflowing love inside my heart, this love that has been swelling and thumping in my cradle will meet its owner.

One day, I will feel you in my arms love.

One day, I will give my all to have you.

Help me.

Help my yearning to meet you.

Find me.

Because I'll be waiting.

My baby.

My sweet, sweet child.

:)

Yes Y, it's V again.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

There, there. You might think I'm overly enthusiastic about V-day, you might think I'm one of those people who gives about a bigger deal out of that ordinary day. Seemingly, for me that is, Valentine's day is just another manic date of the year where people get all dramatic and cheesy. Do I sound bitter? No, because I have been bitter, cheesy and corny too. I have been.

Now I promise this won't be all about my bitching and lashing ;) I have been reading my previous posts since I started this blog and my, my, why is it that I was always miserable and unfortunate not to mention panicky on the wretched day?

Did cupid deliberately put me into his blacklist? Or am I just too cool to celebrate the so-called "heart's day"?

2010 is not an exception. How convenient is it to break up with your boyfriend before February 14? I said I didn't mind the day, but then again. It stings like hell.

Oh well. :) At least I'll live.

Tequila Anyone?

Last wednesday, my friends from Panasonic and I went to Antipolo to get some fun-oh-fun, yeah we did! :) T'was a triple birthday celebration for my dear friend Cha and two of our boys Sherwin and Marvin. And the gang was there to get drunk and get wild. haha. I never was any good with tequila, damn damn tequila. I can gulp a pool of vodka no chaser at all, I can wash down bottles of brandy or whisky or rhum or champagne or of course beer and it will take a lot of tick-tocks to get me swaying. But with three shots of tequila? I die.

But what could be worse than dying? I FORGET! I forget details of what I did or of what happened the night before, I always wear an award-winning shocked face when I get to see the pictures and the evidences of my unfortunately unfair crime. And oh I die again. I just die.

I can hate it all I want, but I cannot yield. So there's always a next time for me :p Lucky enough I have wonderful friends who never, never dare to do evil things on me.

Oh I would loove to see them try. Haha :)

Oh here's where the amnesia strikes. What were we doing Vhan? Hahaha

Anyhow, I still had a wicked night! :p

When She Cries

Are we friends? Are we lovers?

Is it over now…

 

When your heart breaks in silence, you feel the stronger pain. A pain no physical injury can contest, a pain that strokes every vein of your body, a pain that no medicine can cure… but only your tears.

So I cried. I cried and cried, hoping the pain would subside, wishing with all my heart that I would come clean and full again. With the shooting temperature, with all the dizziness and shakiness as my fever embraced me whole, I risked my barriers. For the first time, I crumbled and let myself succumb.

In the romantic era, nineteenth century novels, and those old school plays and movies, the girl dies of heartbreak. LITERALLY. She just can't take it that the love of her life left her and hurt her. She gets grief-stricken that she submits in depression and sooner or later, a maid will find her all cold and dead, with tears spilled on her pillows. I wish I can just do that, but to oppress myself with suicidal attempts is a stupid idea, and idiotic too.

I read once in a book that those situations are what you call “conventions”. Those conventions are things that we accept wholeheartedly when they happen in books or movies even though they never happen in real life.

But when my supposed boyfriend started flicking through numbers of his exes again, it occurred to me that maybe dying of a broken heart might not be a convention at all. If anything can make death a truly desirable option, it is when the love of your life starts choosing his ex over you.

What am I thinking? Get over it and let it pass. How can I digest what my friends are advising me when all I can think of is “I'll never see him again”. It echoes through my being, it rips me apart. And again I cry, I cry so hard.

Can anyone tell me…

Why do I feel like I’m dead?

 

Give and Take

It takes a man and a woman...

One special moment, to know they're in heaven.

Why does it always have to be the woman to give? Why does it always have to be the man to take? Where's equality in this world? Where?