Broken Friendships

I can honestly call myself a good friend, many may raise eyebrows but that's my only quality that I know I've proven quite a lot of times. My elders say that I'm so much blessed because from the start, I got friends whom I can trust and count on. My life revolved around my friends since I grew up alone, being an only child. I've had my fair share of experiences which every little girl deserves, I played with my friends for as long as I want, I had all the gizmo's and gadgets of a little girl pretending to be a princess, I've had the time of my life. Till teenage years, I enjoyed the company of true and trusted friends, we made a pact that until our hair turns grey we'll remain friends forever. That was the end of my fairytale world. I hate it when friends just come and go. I hate it when they just leave you all alone hanging in the air, I hate it when they choose new people in their lives over you. I know I sound selfish, but what can I do? I'm the type of person who gets so devoted in things, in people...in friends. I get so downhearted, so depressed when one of the people I consider family leaves me. Why am I like this? I hate it, I hate the feeling it gives me, I hate being so possessive of things and people that I know I can't own. But most especially, I hate how I get so hurt, by people who doesn't even care.

Tagged and Tugged

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random habits/facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I am an Internet addict.
2. I love the color Pink but Blue complements me so well. Weird
3. I am a couch potato, I can lay on the couch all day with a good book.
4. I am so desperately wanting to earn online through blogging.
5. I've been and am still entitled as the matchmaker for my friends and their prospect partners (hahaha!)
6. I am an only child.
7. I soo need a facial right now! I could feel dirt and grease all over my face! Yikes!

A- Age: 22
B- Band Listening To Right Now: Nothing. Just JB and Celine having a shouting match on TV..Lols
C- Career: web writer, invitation designs, blogger
D- Drink or Smoke: Yep and Yes
E- Easiest Friends To Talk To: I can only count five.
G- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: gummy worms
H- Have a Boyfriend: My ichiworm.
I- In love: so much (and I hope it stays that way)
J- Junk Food You Like: VCut for life!
K- Kids: I love kids, every kid in this world!
L- Longest Ride Ever: from Sorsogon to Baguio
M- Most favorite website: such-a-cutie.blogspot.com (of course! haha)
N- Names For Your Future Kids: Hmm..Yuan Jaerron Rafaiel / Yshi Izabella Xelynne..hehe
O- One Wish You Have Now: I'm wishing for a brand new laptop!
P- Phobias: I can't ride a motorcycle/bike ever since I had an accident a year ago.
Q- Favorite Quote: "God gives everything you can ask for..In His own time" -works big time for me
R- Reasons To Smile: My ichi, my cousins, my Jaja, and Facewarp.
S- Sleeping Hours: 12midnight. I can't sleep until after 12am..regardless of electricity cut-outs or whatsoever. hahaha..
T- Time You Woke Up: Today? 7:30am
U- Unknown Fact About You: I can't/won't sleep without swaying my feet back and forth.
V- Vegetable You Hate: Upo..
W- Worst Habit: sneezing uncontrollably
X- X-rays You've Had: For my back ailment, lower lumbar. Result? levoscoliosis..waaa
Y- Yummy Foods:Lasagna, Burgers, Ice creams, Barbeque!
Z- Zodiac Sign: Taurus

You're Tagged:
Twinx
Mike
Chelle
Christelle
Jamie
Ching
KR

Gun Shots

My sentiments exactly. I am sooooo sooooo tired of everything right now, I can't start things right and can't end them in whatever way either. School is really killing me, not that I can't catch up with anything but on a different perspective, literally and figuratively, COLLEGE is KILLING ME! Hay, I can't wait to have my own job, my own pad, have my own source of income and have a little bit freedom. I can't wait to live life in a different light. I need CHANGE. Lots of it.

I Need A Vacation!

I feel so weary and surreal at the same time..haaay..I think I need, no I want a vacation! A real one, I don't care if I'm all alone I just need a vacation! I've often looked outside my window and I see the majestic Mt. Mayon, you see I live where one of the 8 wonders of the world is..(am I right?) When I look at the volcano, I feel eased and relaxed, I suddenly wish I want to see more volcanoes and mountains..I can't wait for the feeling it might give me, I want to be in Hawaii, in Europe, wherever! To lie in the sands of the Caribbean and to just stare at the blue sky with a lemon juice on my lips..I want to sleep on a hammock tied on a coconut tree, breathing the ocean and touching the sandy wind on my cheeks. Do you imagine what I'm dying to wish for? I really need a break, my life all so seemed stagnant, re-winded and still. I want change, I need change. This is really how I feel right now.

My Unsuspecting Victims

Mother

Father

Brother

Sister

Baby

Cousin
Lovers
Happily Married

Wahahahahahaha! I can die laughing just seeing these pictures..I happen to have this mobile phone application called FaceWarp which instantly deforms and cripples the person you took the picture of and it makes me really laugh so hard that I can almost faint.hahaha! Well, here's a few of my collection and I really really treasure it. Well, they're my friends and the kids are my cousins and nephews..I took the picture without them knowing that their cute and pretty smiles would turn to waste as soon as FaceWarp transforms their faces into these Picture-perfect snapshots! hahahahaha! I wanna share this app with you guys so you can have all the fun that you can get..Ooo, this works for pet dogs and cats too! hahaha! Just make sure the people and animals you choose don't bite..Lols. By the way, Sister is my fave..hahahaha..

GOD HAS BETTER PLANS

God has better plans – I kept that phrase in my mind, always. I believed in the power of those words, I still do, though sometimes, I tend to reassess myself, and ask questions. I often wonder why I live a life full of fun, yet overflowing with pressure. I ask myself why I am confident, although it’s a good thing, but still I ask why I feel so proud about myself when all through my life, I never gained anything or anyone to be proud of. I am never a good daughter, that is for sure, and I can never be called a good student either. I think I’m good in handling relationships but that is all too wrong. See, I am never good at anything, except maybe by scribbling words like these. Well, maybe I am good at one thing besides writing, maybe I am a good friend. Just maybe. Most of the time I feel better about some things that I do, I can swish and swoosh my pen and make a poem in just a couple of minutes, I do very well in craft making, I enjoy cooking, I love babysitting, I adore puppies and kittens, I laugh my heart out when I’m with my friends, I become comical and entertaining to most people, I’ve been in-love with someone, I had my heart broken very well, One night, I cried a bucket of tears. But I’ve never ever in my whole life felt of how it is to be fulfilled with all my heart and be loved unconditionally except by my mom… With that reason, do you think maybe I can pass God’s “PRIORITY” list?

YOU'LL LOVE THAT SWAYING FEELING

Who doesn't know this logo? Hahaha...

For the past week I've been totally bonded with this logo and I totally enjoyed every moment I spent with it together with my friends. Hahaha! You see, I drink alcoholic beverages not for the purpose of getting drunk, I see no point in that (well unless you really want to doze off early). I enjoy the company of my friends, old and new, and I savor the conversations and the laughters we share. I treasure every stolen moment we get just to get together and have fun, just like the old times when we were just teenagers and not quite brave enough to embrace that swaying and light feeling of getting tipsy and drunk. I miss my friends, I didn't imagine that one day, we will part ways and go separate worlds, not knowing where the paths would lead us, never having the assurance that we'll once again share laughters and fun with Mr. RedHorse. Hahaha.. Well then, I know for sure that we are friends and no matter what, that will stay that way forever. I meet people, lots of people every single day of my life but our friendship won't ever falter. 

I miss them.

MEMOIRS

Broken Life

On the deepening leaf of my barren life,
I surrendered my last recourse.
With your parting sweat, I fed my sigh.
And the splitting voices ran through the walls.
I sentenced my judgment to amend with yours.
With the rushing breathes and aching glances,
You succeeded, but you bled with my soul.
Fluttering with my body you rejoiced,
Yet claiming my heart, you failed to blow.
On the blossoming femininity you cried,
With the flaming fire of lust you smiled.
I battled my empty buttons and strived,
Yes, you captured the skeleton of my life,
But not the creed of my feeding heart,
Through the bliss you shouted with glee,
You pictured satisfaction and greed.
Now my life is boating through the wire,
Lighting with your endless selfish grace,
I’ve had enough of your cruel sheets,
As I lay in your arms with a broken life,
Rest assured, my heart was kept living…Not in yours…
I made this last year, I dunno why the words are like that..hahaha! Sobrang lalim naman..
But I find it such an emotion-filled poem..So read on! mwah!

THAT INDIAN I HATE

I am raging with anger and annoyance over this Indian guy whom my friends and I met through another friend. He is such a pain in the ass! Pardon the word but I really really hate him! Well, for your advantage, here goes the story..

Two nights ago, my Tita Noemz, my cousin JR, my boyfriend Ichi, my girl friend Nikka and the birthday celebrant Jen were having such a great time drinking and having funny chit-chats at Jen's house. We were laughing our hearts out and totally enjoying the night until after two bottles of alcohol, we decided to continue the fun at Nikka's place. The fun and the endless laughter continued and before we could say stop, the bottles totalled to four. We were even amazed because we were not getting drunk! We then agreed to go home since Nikka will be sleeping the night over at our house, Jen went home already and I was assigned to buy more beer because the drinking spree is not over yet, whew..there we were, once again having hilarious stints and sudden outbursts of laughter when a friend of ours texted Nikka, it was Benj, our Highschool classmate and he was asking if he could come over with two other friends, who we don't know. My Tita agreed only if they bring and buy more beer. They did. I went outside to open the gates for them, I recognized Benj of course, he was with another guy (or gay?) that I'll name Curly and an Indian guy I'd rather call Feet. I instantly recognized him as an Indian because of his features and his 'carabao english', but he instantly made my blood boiling too! He was an arrogant, big-headed, proud, overconfident and smug pervert! He kept commanding and demanding, and it was me he always point at, like 'you put other beer in the fridge Miss' and 'i want Matrix, play it DVD Miss' and 'put volume up more loud'.. Urgggghhhh! I super hate him the instant I saw his face. He's not even good-looking if I may state that FACT. He thinks I'm a housemaid! After a few minutes, Ichi went home because he was so sleepy and it was already 1:30AM. I walked him to the gate, when I came back inside I didn't know that the Indian already invited my friends over to his place for more beer! I cannot barely contain my annoyance but I had no choice but to come with them since they wanted to and because if I stay, I'll still be the one to open the door for them when they get home (it means I'll get no sleep after all). When we arrived, he offered more and I say lots of beer, still it didn't rid my anger.They all talked and laughed and joked, I just stayed on my place, they were even persuading me to do the talking since I am the English major and the Indian can't speak English clearly. I ignored them. I was hating the Indian more and more. He was busy flirting with Nikka, yuck..! He even cried (literally) just because Nikka wouldn't go with him to 'walk' outside. Later on, he was saying that he likes Nikka and that we should sleep at their house! Hahaha..what an ***hole. We went home but he insisted that Nikka rides with him in his motorcycle, he was very 'kulit' (persistent) that we had to say yes but only if Benj rides with them too. When we got home, he texted Nikka that he miss her already! and worse, he was saying 'I love you'! Y-U-C-K...The next day, the text messages continued. I didn't care a bit. Night came and once again, the six of us had another drinking spree..haha! Speaking of heavy drinkers! Well then, the Indian texted and is inviting us again to his place, Nikka wouldn't go without us so we had Ichi's car fully loaded (with people, not with gas..ahahahaha!) and went there. That was when I really wanted to kick the ugly brute in the face! Know what he did? He totally ignored us.Period. Benj was the one who led us inside and the Indian was in front of his computer with another guy, he was busy messing with the computer and didn't even notice (or he pretended not to) us sitting there waiting. RECAP- it was he who invited us!. Five whole minutes passed, my Tita got annoyed and was fuming with anger over the treatment we got, which we didn't deserve. Ichi, JR and Jen went out and got in the car, all pissed off, Tita and I followed while Nikka and Benj were talking. the Indian still ignored us. I wanted to slap and punch him, he got the nerve to invite six people into his place and then ignore them as if they were invisible, I wanted to burn him alive! (excuse the violence). We all marched out of that place and poured our hatred at Jen's place..Then Benj texted us, he said that the indian told him that he was only expecting Nikka alone and that Nikka will sleep there..It made us all more fuming with anger! he even texted Nikka "what do you want? s*x or money?" That 'F' beast! Who wouldn't react like this? What does he think about us? Beggars? Bitches? POOR? Well d*mn him and I hope he goes to h*ll..If I see him again, I wonder to god what I might do..urrggghhh!!

BREAK THAT HEART

Having a broken heart can sometimes make your world useless and irritating. Who doesn't have a broken heart? Everyone does. Those are the times where I get my veins working and my hands itching to write. I got so used to it (to writing not having my heart broken) Lols. I just amaze myself when I read again the works I've made, the products of having a shattered heart. Here are some which was dated more than a year ago...

PATHWAY

The lamp by the pathway showers light,
Stones piled up the wall frowns with gloom.
Never had I understood this before,
And the olive ambiance perplexes my mood.

All I want to do is to adore you,
To love you and devote myself forever.
With the hue of the mist of my passion,
I tenderly comforted my sentiment.

The breezy waft of the air trembles my weary heart,
My intuition competes with my puzzled mind.
Do I have to set you free?
And let pain bring me to grief and misery?

With nature’s hug and deliverance,
I plea my heart’s scream.
It has always been you who brought me agony,
With deception and conceitedness, I fell.

I will never let you go… I promise.
But how can wings fly without release?
I suffered, I cried, I endured.
Have I lost you already? I wondered.

Romance and bitterness blends in me,
By the pathway I tormented with hurt.
The wind sympathizes with the tears I let go,
I love you…but only these stones will hear.

You flew, you left me. I wept.
With only these stones piled up the wall,
That covers you as you lay still,
How can I be with you? With these walls?

The pain will never endure I know,
As you rest forever, I will die breathing the ache,
And in my lifetime, I will shed rivers of tears,
For you…only for you…by the pathway.

MOOD

One Sad Poem

Gliding through my deepest thoughts,
I shuddered with tears.
My solitary haven ignites with fear,
It deepens my lonely home.

I forgot to know my own self,
Through the walls of sadness I dwelt.
No one rescued my falling soul,
I cried the ocean, no one cared.

I am alone, I am in deep.
I clung on hope but I failed myself
Feeling so cold, I wept with rain,
But no one cared, no one cared.

I’m mad about life and earth,
I’m crazy about torture and hate
Such fears tore my sanity
But who cared? No one…

Traveling my cheeks are salt & tears,
Kissing my lips are pale smiles,
They drowned my own,
They never cared.

I am alone, all alone.

You're IT!

I Tagged Myself! hahaha! Tnx Twinx!

5 Things Found in my Bag
1. cellphone
2. wallet
3. pressed powder
4. a pair of shades
5. lip and cheek tint

5 Things Found in my Wallet
1. bills
2. ATM cards
3. ID's
4. pictures
5. receipts

5 Things Found in my Room
1. pink bed
2. pink curtains
3. sofa set
4. lots of clutter (my clothes!)
5. pink things

5 Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do
1. to drive all on my own!
2. shop till I drop..haha
3. travel Europe! Eiffel Tower!
4. have the fastest internet connection possible
5. ride and own a white horse

5 Things I am Currently Into
1. non-stop internet
2. online-gaming with ichi
3. drinking sessions with my gurlfriends (lols)
4. blogging!
5. shopping

5 People to Tag:

Nix
Ching
Jerky Rona
Mark Bryan
Bianca

ONE SUPER HAPPY ROADTRIP

Last January 18-19, 2008...

Dinapa Fiesta- Castilla, Sorsogon...

Jayke Deiñel P. Gomez- Christening...

9:00AM, all was ready, the car, Ninang Jen, I'm dressed and ready- except the driver -Ichi.

I'm so itching with anger, the night before we had a huge fight and we almost broke up (thanks to my tons of supply of Patience!) Grr.. Just when I decided to go to Sorsogon alone with Jen, someone texted me, it was Nikka, my girlfriend, she was actually telling me that she wanted to go with us so I told her to hurry up (it was a good thing the driver was late because if he came on time, Nikka would't have made it) Hahaha.. So there was the four of us, Ichi, Jen, Nikka and I laughing our hearts out and loud as we drove all the way to Castilla to attend Jayke's christening. The moment we stepped out of the car and into the house, my Tita wasted no time and made us a cocktail drink! whew! Soon Jen and Nikka were getting redder by the minute and Ichi getting tipsy. It was such a happy experience for me, being in my grandmom's place with my friends with me..We had so much fun. We went to the 'barrio' and had so much laughs and giggles just seeing those people dance with their weirdly matched outfits and super weird dance steps..(it was the night where barrio fiestas put up dances for the residents or that place which others call "kurudalan" hehehe.. Oh I can't explain much..here's our pics!

Jaykeeee Tabachingching!

Me and baby Jayke

Jayke's Ninang Jen and Ninang Nikka

Aftermath of barrel-drinking..wehehe..lasheng kame

Blurred. Me and Ichitot at the Church

Nikka automatically poses even when she's busy texting!

We are so friends

My Ichi- tricycle driver xa jan..hehehe

Nikka and Jen- Again


Joy, Jaezelle and her classmate- before their dance performance

(more pics to come!)

Hey! Hey! You! You!

UPDATES!

Sleeping Jaja... I love this pic

Jaezelle in Daet, Dec. 30, 2007 -Tintin's Apartelle..

My gwapong gwapong love..hahaha

My inaanak Zeioun Kristoff a.k.a Syon-syon

When Zeioun and Grace slept over at our place last Jan. 5, 2008

WHERE TO GO?

I feel so surreal, so lost, so down. I wonder about my future, I think about how my life would go in about five or more years, and I get scared, so scared. All my life, I've been so dependent to everyone around me, being an only child, what do you expect? I'm not raised to be a spoiled brat but I sometimes, the word fits me so well. I'm scared to go on alone, never having anyone to give me the constant advices I need, not having my mom with me who gives me so much strength just with her skin close to mine. I'm scared to live life in another perspective, not like the lifestyle I got so used to I can't even imagine if I can get it out of my system. I'm lazy, period. I'm such a couch potato, a sleeper and a reader, my room is a mess, my clothes are everywhere-clean and/or not. Bring that all together and you get one lazy, sluggish and inoperable Ms. Potato. Sometimes I can laugh at all my habits and antics all day, I promise a lot more than often that I'll change my ways the next day, but "tomorrow" seems to be a forever-word. Now I'm almost 22, I should be working, I should be living on my own and starting to stabilize my future, yet I am so scared of what might come up when I don't get rid of my problems. I can't start alone, but I should. But how? Even my special friend finds it so hard in helping me eliminate my closet's skeleton (oh that's a metaphor). I just hope this 2008 brings me good luck and good sense of direction in life. I seriously need lots of them..Ciao!

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

Happy New Year!!
Red Wine muna before Red Horse! haha! With Jane, Baby Jaja, Capt. Ched and Ms. Ed
Tropa.. Cel kaw lang kulang! Uwi na kasi! Proxy sau si Jaja..haha
This is what happens when Beer+Allergic Rhinitis attacks...Prettyness! hahaha
I'm one of the Boys..hehehe..

BIG BOY JAYKEEE!

Would you look at him, he's so big now! At 2 months old I can barely believe that he would grow so big and chubby..I can't even compare his previous pics that I posted when he was born! Here's Jayke Deiñel now..soooo cute!