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10 October 2015

09 October 2015

I'll super duper miss you!!! :( Ang lungkot naman, I've been so used to having you around. To your unexpected late night visits, the unplanned sleepovers, the spontaneous foodtrips whenever we have cravings, the shopping sprees, the getaways, the nonstop chatter and just about how we try to decipher love and life's mysteries. I know that this new venture that you'll be facing is your ultimate dream, that is to become a flight attendant. I know that you can do it with flying colors, beybeh. I am so proud of you. I fixed your phone ha so there will be lots of Facetime and Skype for us. Training ka pa lang, OA na ako.. Haha! Malay mo, bigla na lang ako mag-aya ng lunch with you sa Manila :) You know how impulsive I am, wag ka masyado magpa-miss! Cheers to chasing our dreams and cheers to being pretty single creatures! haha.. I love you! Safe travel tomorrow, Nica beybeh :D

To Make Her Quiet

Whew. Currently downloading tons of movies for Zya. She's been a very hyper girl lately and I just can't bear the constant whining, shouting, crying, singing, dancing! Sumasakit lalo ang ulo kooooo. Imagine her jumping up and down on the bed, while circling around me who's lying down beside her! My goodness the perils of having a 3 year old. Hahaha! So for me to have some peace and quiet, here goes hours and hours of animated movies for you babydoll!

Goodluck to both of us. Haha

MOMMY YSH

Memoirs 0.2

"Say you'll never go. Say you'll never go out my way."

This time, my pillows are drenched with hot tears. Just why am I crying over someone I don't even know? Someone I haven't even seen? Someone that I can never ever have?

There's magic in us. I do believe. How he has affected me in so many ways is enough to convince me that there is something magical that's working between us.

It has been an exhausting day, emotionally. I have been flipping moods all day long and I was hating myself for being so insensitive and grumpy. One minute I'm the happiest, in a snap I'm that psycho bitch everyone'd love to hate.

I was always hesitant to reciprocate the "I love you's" that he's so generous of saying because I'm scared to make a fool out of myself. Deep in one corner of my brain, I know that this is all a game... "unang ma-fall, talo..."

Is it?

But the tears defy everything that I'm standing firm on. I just finished reading his "goodbye for now" letter to me and I am bawling here. Maybe it's the freaking hormones again. Maybe not.

I feel so hurt and my chest feels so heavy I think it's gonna explode any moment now. He kept asking me to stay for him no matter what, pero ako pala ang iiwan sa ere. :'(

"never knew that it could mean so much... so much"

Maybe I just got so used to getting messages from him, maybe I just was clinging to the feeling that radiates within me when I'm talking to him. Maybe it was him who was saving me from breaking down, most especially now that I am really vulnerable.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm procrastinating.

There is no conclusion here. There is nothing to look forward to. I just want to live the moment, the days, the hours, the minutes with him. I just want to feel loved.

Hey you...

I think of you all the time. I'm scared.

~Y~

10.8.15

Memoirs 0.1

UNTITLED

“Maybe we’re friends, maybe we’re more, maybe it’s just my imagination…”

Jordin Sparks blasts into the nothingness of my room. I see nothing but a flicker of the night light. As I stare into the darkness, I flinched and I rolled and I hugged the nearest pillow and I grunted, “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FEELING?”

Oh I have been in this sitch for so many times in the past. It’s a good feeling, I admit, to have a (shudder), crush, again after so many years of celebrating rigidness, grimness and dormancy. Yes I have succumbed into the proverbial pit of single-hood and I did not give a damn. Sleep ensues.

Morning. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Didn’t have a dream, didn’t have a “good morning” nudge and kiss from my daughter. Yes I have a daughter, I am a single mom and I love it, I love her more than anything in the world. To settle and seal my current social status down is probably the biggest deal that I will ever have to decide onto my life in the coming years. I have a daughter and it would take a lot of nerve for a man to step into our lives. Well, not that I’m planning to find one for the next couple of years, I can only wish. Eye roll.

So I met this guy. A very interesting person. A smart one by the way (rare find!). You might have stumbled upon his Facebook page and read a few of his amusing yet brilliant write-ups about the bygone times and its relation to this chaotic world where we are in right now. You might have laughed so loud at his antics and ludicrous rebuttals to those who dare to challenge or question his undying love for the phenomenal loveteam, ALDUB. You might have blushed yourself upon reading his exchange of love and fondness with Maria Clara, or how he and the rather half-witted Quiroga banter and mock each other all day. His sense of leadership and undeniable intelligence is what really made me “stalk”. Not to mention his talent in creating remarkable photo edits too.

I was contented with reading his works. It was already a pleasure to be able to laugh or smile or grin on his twitter posts after a long and tiring day at school and at the office. I remember seeing a piece of this person through a picture of his hand, all entwined with IVs and hoses and plasters and it was not a very pleasant sight. He was admitted to the hospital, where in the world? I have no idea. I just couldn’t help but leave a comment, “get well soon!”Until the 27th of September, when I literally lost the ability to breathe properly after I saw a notification that HE FOLLOWED ME. I was all giddy like a girl and I just had to post a screenshot for the world to see. I was grinning all day, more when a message popped-up in my twitter inbox and guess who? :D

Here I’d say “and the rest is history”.

Very fitting because this man is in-love with history! LOL. Yes, I got to know him and anybody would be dead jealous over me, I know so. The way he relates himself to me, the way we just talk and talk and just how the words dance with us has made me wonder the purpose of our meeting. Honestly, I have pictured him in the worst of ways, I didn’t ever want to expect. I was not at all disappointed when I found out, rather, when he opened up about his age and status. Really, I have mastered the art of guarding the remains of my heart. I was okay. :)

I’m still wondering though, if everything that happens is for a reason, what pray is ours?

For now, all I know is that I am happy with him around, err, virtually. He makes my day brighter and my vibes happier. My happiest pill is when I converse with smart people, they bring out the best in me. Words just spill like a piece of cake and I excel whenever I meet their kind. More like a human mana-reservoir, where I get replenished every time I talk to one. This one makes me smile all day long.

For whatever reason, I am scared. I know more about him than all the others but it makes me anxious, I feel like someone is bound to drip out the truth and I don’t want that, I’d hate that. I want his identity covered and leak-proofed more than ever. That way, we can continue to just be US with no complications butting through.

Hey you. If you’re happy, I’m happy. But then again, a quote has been playing in my head all throughout the day. It goes like this..

“The hot ones are always gay, MARRIED, or murderers”.

I’ll just obsess to my caramel frappe over that very devastating thought… or fact.

~Y~

10.6.15

BLOG TAG!! I MISSED THIS!

Here we go…

1. Are you named after anyone? Err, taskforce J.E.S.S.A, which I don't even know what meant.. Thanks, dad. :/

2. When was the last time you cried? Last night :'(

3. Do you have kids? Yes. 1 beautiful baby girl

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Yeah

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not all the time.

6. Will you ever bungee-jump? YES!!!

7. What’s your favorite cereal? Not a fan.

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Superficial. Most are

9. What is your eye colour? Brown.

10. Scary movie or happy endings? Both.

11. Favorite smells? Vanilla!

12. Summer or winter? Summer.

13. Computer or television? Computer.

14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Japan.

15. Do you have any special talents? hmmmm...

16. Where were you born? BRTTH. Legazpi City

17. What are your hobbies? surfing the net, writing, coffeeshops, movies

18. Do you have any pets? Yes. Jana dog :)

19. Favorite movie? 50 1st dates, A walk to remember, Blue lagoon

20. Do you have any siblings? haha, madaming secret spawns ang tatay ko!

21. What do you want to be when you grow up? A happy mom and housewife :)

My Zya

The last picture of my daughter that I posted here was when she was only 8months old. Now she's almost four! Ganun katagal ako nawala dito. Wew. Here's Zyapotpot my labs now:

WOW. JUST WOW.

So I ransacked this blog. I have been dormant for 3 years and I really didn't have any plans on continuing this if not for the surge of emotional turmoil that I've been having lately. So here I am again.. Hello bloggy :D

I read each and every post that I've published since 2006 and I was finally laughing my ass off :'D I had the chance to go back in time and realize how I was in my teenage years. I looked at old pictures and cringed. Hahahahaha!

I've changed. A LOT.

I was this impulsive, emotional, cranky girl who only thinks about how unloved and alone she was. I was a walking disaster. I was emotionally damaged.

What really happened? I worked, gained independence, enjoyed my early twenties, prayed for a child, became a mother, went back home, went to school again.

In between, I learned so much for myself that finally, I grew up. I became this mature, snobby but joyful woman and problems and emotional shits just come and go like a breeze. I wasn't the grief hoarding girl anymore.

Fast forward to NOW? I'm still enjoying my late twenties. Physically? I think I also changed a lot. I laugh at my old "nene" pics and comparing to now? I'm damn proud. Hahah!

Love is still as vague as it used to be. But I'm dwelling no more. I try to be happy on a day by day basis, sometimes I break down when I can only handle too much. But overall, I'm just fine.

Toodles!