Memoirs 0.1

UNTITLED

“Maybe we’re friends, maybe we’re more, maybe it’s just my imagination…”

Jordin Sparks blasts into the nothingness of my room. I see nothing but a flicker of the night light. As I stare into the darkness, I flinched and I rolled and I hugged the nearest pillow and I grunted, “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FEELING?” 

Oh I have been in this sitch for so many times in the past. It’s a good feeling, I admit, to have a (shudder), crush, again after so many years of celebrating rigidness, grimness and dormancy. Yes I have succumbed into the proverbial pit of single-hood and I did not give a damn. Sleep ensues. 

Morning. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Didn’t have a dream, didn’t have a “good morning” nudge and kiss from my daughter. Yes I have a daughter, I am a single mom and I love it, I love her more than anything in the world. To settle and seal my current social status down is probably the biggest deal that I will ever have to decide onto my life in the coming years. I have a daughter and it would take a lot of nerve for a man to step into our lives. Well, not that I’m planning to find one for the next couple of years, I can only wish. Eye roll.

So I met this guy. A very interesting person. A smart one by the way (rare find!). You might have stumbled upon his Facebook page and read a few of his amusing yet brilliant write-ups about the bygone times and its relation to this chaotic world where we are in right now. You might have laughed so loud at his antics and ludicrous rebuttals to those who dare to challenge or question his undying love for the phenomenal loveteam, ALDUB. You might have blushed yourself upon reading his exchange of love and fondness with Maria Clara, or how he and the rather half-witted Quiroga banter and mock each other all day. His sense of leadership and undeniable intelligence is what really made me “stalk”. Not to mention his talent in creating remarkable photo edits too.

I was contented with reading his works. It was already a pleasure to be able to laugh or smile or grin on his twitter posts after a long and tiring day at school and at the office. I remember seeing a piece of this person through a picture of his hand, all entwined with IVs and hoses and plasters and it was not a very pleasant sight. He was admitted to the hospital, where in the world? I have no idea. I just couldn’t help but leave a comment, “get well soon!”Until the 27th of September, when I literally lost the ability to breathe properly after I saw a notification that HE FOLLOWED ME. I was all giddy like a girl and I just had to post a screenshot for the world to see. I was grinning all day, more when a message popped-up in my twitter inbox and guess who? :D

Here I’d say “and the rest is history”.

Very fitting because this man is in-love with history! LOL. Yes, I got to know him and anybody would be dead jealous over me, I know so. The way he relates himself to me, the way we just talk and talk and just how the words dance with us has made me wonder the purpose of our meeting. Honestly, I have pictured him in the worst of ways, I didn’t ever want to expect. I was not at all disappointed when I found out, rather, when he opened up about his age and status. Really, I have mastered the art of guarding the remains of my heart. I was okay. :)

I’m still wondering though, if everything that happens is for a reason, what pray is ours? 

For now, all I know is that I am happy with him around, err, virtually. He makes my day brighter and my vibes happier. My happiest pill is when I converse with smart people, they bring out the best in me. Words just spill like a piece of cake and I excel whenever I meet their kind. More like a human mana-reservoir, where I get replenished every time I talk to one. This one makes me smile all day long.

For whatever reason, I am scared. I know more about him than all the others but it makes me anxious, I feel like someone is bound to drip out the truth and I don’t want that, I’d hate that. I want his identity covered and leak-proofed more than ever. That way, we can continue to just be US with no complications butting through. 

Hey you. If you’re happy, I’m happy. But then again, a quote has been playing in my head all throughout the day. It goes like this.. 

“The hot ones are always gay, MARRIED, or murderers”.

 I’ll just obsess to my caramel frappe over that very devastating thought… or fact.

 ~Y~

10.6.15