MY RUMMAGE

Now what? Nothing…still no one makes my life exciting. I am just a typical person full of enthusiasm in life. I live by my own creed, I talk with my own words and I follow my own orders. Before, I never believed that that thing they call “partnership” would complete me. My being alone does not make me happy. Although I do not consider myself useless and pathetic, I just can’t seem to find the right reasons to be happy all the time.
I’m an introvert person but sure I’m optimistic enough to survive. I don’t delude myself into thinking that my happiness lies in that one person and that once I find him, he’ll stick around. But my lack of contentment, satisfaction and ease of mind and heart pesters my damn life! They say you will never find those in one human being, what a waste of time! Waiting and searching for the one…but hey! I can’t help it, its human nature to want to love and be loved in return! I guess I just can’t escape the truth that I will never be contented without a partner.

Oh yeah, it’s not only me…there are many other dilemma-attacked humans scattered out there. Like, hello? Do I have to pretend dying just because I’m a third-wheel? I hate it when I know I have to deal with life’s promises. I never believed but now, in my lonely status, I know I have to… and I will.Maybe I was just left out from the blessing of partnership that God has given…well, that’s why I’m still here, seeking for love and affection, searching for the person who will at least make my life worthwhile. But where are they? Or should I say he? Is he looking for me too? Or have I found him already? My mind is full of questions that kept on clinging to my nerves. I pity myself for being so undeserving of anyone’s care and attention. Or am I? I’m not saying that no one loves me, of course there are my parents, my best friends and my relatives…but c’mon! Let’s get to the point I’m not in search for parental guidance or friendship affection! I have them already, who I’m looking for is someone who will unconditionally present to me his love and will fully accept mine too. Someone who is willing to devote himself to me and bring me contentment I seek, with all that there’s no doubt I’m going to be happy. Happy to the extent that I’m ready to stop grumbling and complaining about life. I’m wondering if I will be coming to the point that I’m going to spend my entire lifetime searching endlessly for him…till when will I be longing for his embraces and hugs and cares all my life? I guess I have to take the risk by after all. Uhh? Why am I getting paranoid anyway? If I don’t find him…in due time, I’m just here…still here, continuing my rummage…waiting…and perhaps he’ll find me instead…=)

-I wrote this when I was 17. Obviously, I was at the brink of "why-am-I-alone" state. Yet, I'd like to share this with you guys, who knows, some may even relate with my topsy-turvy rummaging story..=)

haha