Memoirs 1.4

What do I wish right now? That my fantasies help sustain the reality. 

A world where I can own him. A fantasy where his heart only beats for me. A place where I can freely continue that "whatever" that we had. It is in my head... In my heart. At least there, nobody can take us apart. 

Have I gone mad?

I have come to terms with acceptance. I have shrugged it off my shoulders, the reality that I am nobody to him. It's funny because I easily got my grip when the world shook before my feet the moment he let go. I was okay. 

I wasn't dwelling anymore. I was fine.

I was able to withstand the dramas and if I wasn't going to let fate influence my decisions, I wouldn't let some impulsive love connection online do it either. It was time to put my past where it belonged. In the past.

I'm moving on for myself. But it doesn't mean I don't miss him. I don't hate the guy. For all the right reasons, he's earned a special spot in my life. But then again.. You know the story. It's not all rainbows and butterflies for him and me.

So the fantasies are the only avenue for my heart's rehabilitation. I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this alone. I am trying to be stronger. 

Uhh, hey Ysh?

Sing it off!

"Coz you've made me stronger by breaking my heart, you ended ny life and made a better one start. You've taught me everything from falling in-love to letting go of a lie. Yes you've made me stronger, BABY, by saying goodbye."

~Y

11.14.15